HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Well kids, if you haven't already heard, it's the birthday of Joannes Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophilus Mozart!
(Amadeus is a synonym for Theophilus, which is why folks tend to call him Wolfgang Amadeus, but his "real" name is Wolfgang Theophilus!)

I wanted to post something appropriately brilliant and original (because Mozart was brilliant and original!)
But I 'aint got nuttin'

There is a great Dear 'ole Dad story about making a recording of Mozart's Missa Brevia in F Major. But it's too much work to tell it properly; I just don't feel like writing stories.

Besides, January has been a pathetic posting month
Putting something original and brilliant up now would just be unbalanced

And so dear readers,
Eat, Drink, and Celebrate Mozart's birthday with great joy and merry-making.
I'm taking a break - at least until the end of January, probably to the end of February.

I need to refocus, rethink, reenergize, resurge, and relax. I'll be around, just not here.

FOUR WISHES

1. I wish there were audiobooks of Chaim Potok reading his own work.

2. I wish I had more answers and fewer question marks.

3. I wish I didn't get angry so quickly

4. I wish it to be raspberry season - right now.

MYTH BUSTERS

Now we all know that putting metal in the microwave is strictly forbidden. I never knew what exactly is supposed to happen if you, for instance, tried to microwave tinfoil, but I assumed like everyone else that microwaving metal would probably cause the world to end, or at the very least, cause the microwave oven to explode. I mean, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT. They might as well teach it in school, along with STRANGER = DANGER and CROSS ON THE GREEN, NOT IN BETWEEN. I just never actually tested this postulate, because, you know, who wants to cause the end of the world?

If you thought being able to dividing by zero was cool - wait until you find out the truth about metal in the microwave.

GREAT QUOTE
via Daniel

A boy doesn't have to go to war to be a hero
he can say he doesn't like pie when he sees
there isn't enough to go around.

JOKE

Here you go folks, the best blonde joke
(Via Lynn)

MOSTQUITOS, SNOW, AND BEING THIRSTY

Sometimes you get a feeling, and that feeling tells you what you should do. (Example: You feel thirsty, so you drink).

But other times, a feeling is something you should not do. (Example: A mosquito bite feels itchy, but you shouldn't scratch).

I've been feeling blah
Physicaly, emotionally, mentally,
blah.

When feeling "blah" my tendency is to pull away and withdraw.
But I don't know if that is the "good" sort of (being thirsty) feeling that I should follow or the "bad" sort of (mosquito bite) feeling that I should fight.

Being a hermit doesn't exactly help (but maybe the rest of the world appriciates not having to deal with me).


Alas, none of that matters . . . I’m suddenly in a good mood tonight
(And, coming after the melancholy blah-ness of the past two weeks, this good mood is even nicer than usual!)

They're predicting snow tomorrow
Teachers know that kids get just a little bit hyper just before a heavy snow.
Something about the barometric pressure change.
As much as I dislike the trauma of snow, I'm happy that this snow has improved my mood.

I have a new snow theory,
But I'm already babbling
And need to go to bed
Good Night Snow People!

I feel like all of my January posts have been less-than-stellar.
“Less-than-stellar” is a euphonized way of saying “Boring”

Maybe I have no life, and nothing to say.
Maybe I need to go do something worth writing about.
Maybe I need to a break.

Anyway, Friday is my day off.
But things are crazy-busy, so I’m working.
And, if one is working on one’s day off, one should be able to splurge and pack a fun lunch.

So, I have clam chowedr (from a can, so it’s deliciously salty!)
Plus apple juice and gold fish crackers!
Is there anything more fun than eating canned soup with little fishies swimming in your thermos?
No, I don’t think there is.

And that is my boring post for today.
Have a great weekend
(and if you get Monday off – have a good Monday too!)

A LIGHTENING ROD STORY
AL Daily linked to an interesting article about Ben Franklin and Lighting Rods. You really ought to skip my post for today, read the real article, and learn something that will impress other people at fancy cocktail parties.


When Dear 'ole Dad was a young young child, he decided to "build" a lighting rod. He went into Papa VW's garage, collected all of the screwdrivers, and hammered them into the yard, one on top of the other.

When Papa VW came home from work, Dear 'ole Dad proudly showed him his "lighting rod," which made Papa VW understandly angry.

Papa VW was able to dig out the top screwdriver - but the rest remained hammered deep into the ground.

I wonder what archeologist will think hundreds of years from now when they uncover Dear 'ole Dad's screwdriver-lightening rod.

ACRONYMNS I HAVE KNOWN

Killer Cats Annoy Anal Stupid Educators (Blooms Taxonomy)
Knowledge, Comprehension, Application, Analysis, Synthesis, Evaluation

Needles Take People's Blood (Steps for parking on a hill)
Neutral, Turn, Park, Break

Fat Cats Go Down Alleys Eating Birds (Order of the sharps)
F, C, G, D, A, E, B

MR. M. GAMED (The 8 principals of accounting ) Money Management, Realization, Matching, Going concer, Asset Measurement, Materiality, Entity, and Dual Aspect

Dad Purchased Large Markers (Order of the Musical Modes)
Dorian, Phrygian, Lydian, and MixoLydian

ROY G. BIV (Colors of the Rainbow)
Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet


Go Eat Pop Corn (The tricky "-ians" books of the bible)
Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians

Even George Bush Drives Fast (Treble Cleff lines)
E, G, B, D, F

Please, share your most clever memory device in the comments! (Dear Aunt Sally and FOIL can be left out - thankyouverymuch!)

DON'T GET YOUR KNICKERS IN A KNOT!

It's time for a story.
Once upon a time, a Republican President nominated a fella to the supreme court.
Congress happend to be controlled by the Republicans,
And, the nomination passed without any major incidents.

But, that's not the end of the story.
You see, the justice was named Earl Warren, and Earl turned out to be way more liberal than anyone ever suspected.
In fact, Earl Warren was not at all what Ike expected (and Eisenhower later commented that nomination was the "the biggest damned fool mistake I've ever made in my life").

The moral of the story is - SHUT UP!
We have no idea what kind of justice Alito is going to be.
Congress can make sure that he's qualified, make sure he's not a wacko, and certainly give him a hard time, but once a person gets a lifetime appointment, they're free to go completely wacko.

(also see: Souter, David)

MERRY (VW-style) CHRISTMAS

The VW family is not exactly bound to the calendar when it comes to holidays. Thanksgiving is easily moved to a Friday; Birthday presents come days/weeks/months after (or before) the party, and Christmas is extended to January 7.

You see, everyone is going three different directions on Christmas Day - in-laws, friends, extended family, etc. Having Christmas after Christmas makes Christmas less stressful/ more enjoyable. (Plus you get extra shoping days!)
And so, yesterday was the VW family Christmas party (yipee!)

Sister dear and her husband bought a house last month, so we decided to trek down/over to Iowa, see their place and, more importantly, GET PRESENTS!

I made out like a bandit, with a Multi-Plier 400-series Gerber Tool (like a Swiss Army Knife, without the yuppie-factor!) the book I wanted, mini-lincoln logs, a calendar, and a fancy french bread pan. (French bread is in the oven right now - yummy yummy!)

After the family bonding/present-opening, I left to go hang out with my Valley Girls over fried food and chocolate Malts! (I was having a malt-deficiency!) T'was a lovely evening with many a giggle about Steph's freakishly long pinky, Ryan's penguins, and my Bill Cosby sweater. (You can read Ryan's account of the evening for a more enlightening perspective!)

'Twas a lovely weekend, and I'm "plum tuckered out"
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

IN SEARCH OF . . .
The Harris Brothers, Jonathan and Andrew.

Some day maybe they'll google themselves and end up here
And maybe they'll leave a comment and we can get in touch again

So, if you are the Jonathan Harris who grew up in Bristol, graduated from Trinity College in Carmarthen, and spent fall of '94 at Central College helping me torment my gossipy floormates . . .
OR, if you're Jonathan's brother, Andrew Harris, who spent the fall of '94 split between the Theata House and Mindy's room . . .
drop me a line

You can email me at jvwspam*AT*yahoo*DOT*com - or just leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you guys!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS RYAN!

I seriously thought about recycling the quote from Steph's birthday but have instead decided that, in honor of your birthday, to post a music theory pun/story :-)
Enjoy!


A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."

This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.

The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest - and closes the bar.


Happy 17th Birthday Ryan!
(See you on Saturday!)

WORK RELATED POST

You'd think I'd quit with the work-related posts.
But some of us just have to live life on the edge.

Big Boss's daughter stopped by yesterday morning and asked her dad to play. So the office closed down for 15 minutes while the staff (and daughter) had a private mid-morning organ recital. (Note: The Widor: Toccata Symphony No.5 For Organ is amazing (turn up your speakers!)

CONVOY

And them bears from wall to wall
Yeah them smokies 'as thick as bugs on a bumper
They even had a bear-in-the-air
I said calling all trucks, this here's The Duck
We about to go a huntin' bear


Yeah. So I’m driving into Minneapolis today on the interstate,
And what should my wondering eyes should appear,
But a slew of police cars,
With their lights on (but not sirens), all in a row, going the opposite direction

It was almost like a parade, except they were going fast.
I counted 50 of them before I had to concentrate on driving.
Weird.
Really weird.

Rhona Bennett was my Chemistry lab partner for a short while. (Then she moved to Flordia to be famous; as if being my chemistry partner for a day wasn't fame enough!)

Do you think Wikipedia users would like to know that Rhona attended Polaris High School, took Chemistry with Mr. Vandecarr, and was once lab partner to JuileVW?

No, I didn't think so either.

WRITER'S BLOCK

I've been racking my brain trying to come up with an approporiate, yet original, post for New Year's Day. Something besides the "2005 in Review," or "Resolutions for 2006" posts that everyone else seeems to be doing.

I wanted something snappy and fun.
Intriguing, intelligent, and fantastic.
Something that would make everyone say, "Wow! What a terriffic post for New Year's Day!"

But I got nothing

I tried to write about my New Year's Eve doghnut making extravaganza . Doughnut making is fun (and a good New Year's Eve activity). Alas, writing (and reading) about doughnut making is boring.

Then I wrote a public death threat to people in my neighborhood that were shooting off firecrackers for three hours last night (and scaring my poor dog). But public death threats are way too incriminating (and I don't feel like getting into trouble!)

I wrote a bit about Dear 'ole Dad, but that post needs a lot of work before it can be published (besides it's not particularily New-Year-sey).

And so, dear readers, you just get this.
Tomorrow will be better (I hope!)

Happy 2006 to you all!