STREAM OF CONSCIOUS
"They" say it's a little uncomfortable.
Normally, I'm tough, but quite honestly, it hurts
Not just a little bit, not merely uncomfortable - it causes all out pain

(Maybe I'm not as tough as I thought)

When I mention the pain, "they" tell me to relax
But the thing about hurt - is it causes more tension, not less
Which makes things hurt more
A vicious circle

I can't blame them
I do the same thing with my students
"Relax your wrist, but keep it straight, and curve your fingers"
"And make sure this c natural is a low 2"
"And your vibrato is too tight - Relax"
"But squish that second finger"
"And stay relaxed"

It's amazing anyone survives!

I have two students now
One is a wonderful retired woman
And one is a six year old boy
They are delightful
It makes working on sunny Saturdays bearable!


Anyway, this time, I had someone new
She was a million times younger that the last fella
With a gentler demenor.
But I was still anxious
And it still hurt
Which made me more tense
And, of course, cause more pain
But
Unlike last time
She didn't yell at me to relax
And I didn't cry!

I hate crying
I try not to do it infront of people
And when I do, I get upset, because it means I've lost control
Control is very important
If you know me, you know I like to be in control

Right now, my life is in control
Except I have no idea what I want to do next
But I'm ok with that
Surprisingly ok
I've applied for a few jobs
Options are open
But I'm not exactly sure of my next step
If you have a great career idea for me
Please drop me a line
Sugestions are welcome

I have a lot of things in my brain right now
Profound thoughts come to me when I'm bicycling
And, now that it's nice out, I've been bicycling a lot

There's this hill by my place
We call it "hill of death" or sometimes just "the hill"
Everyone knows what you mean
There is no shame in getting off your bicycle and walking up the hill
It took me all last summer to build up the strength to make it up the hill
And happily, I made it all the way up yesterday
Even though the wind helped, I was still quite pleased with myself!
(It really is a monstrous hill!)

One of my semi-profound bicycle realizations is that I don't do well with monotany. Teaching is a lovely profession, but I the thought of gong back to the conveyor belt of pedagogy is not appealing. I need to have some challenge and variation in my days/weeks.

Other thoughts are playing around in my head too

Right now, I'm trying to think of a clever way to end this post
But I got nothing
A million other tangents I could follow
But I've babbled enough
Good night dear readers!