Wednesday, July 23, 2003
The problem with having all my homework done, and not being able to write, and being generally bored, is that I have way too much time to think -- lots of thinking - some thougs being deeper than others, and most of it random (if I write down what I'm thinking, it usually stays controlled, but thinking without that structure takes a person down some strange strage roads!!) Since I've nothing better to do (and I'm getting really really good at one handed typing!!) I present some random assorted thoughts and activities from the past few days . . .
*I found my old Trixie Belden books in the basement. I loved Trixie and her gang. Trixie was so cool (even if everyone thought she was stupid because she didn't make the great grades that everoner else did in school and her family didn't have much money -- Yeah I really idenified with Trixie!! I convinced my sister to name her hamster Trixie because I thought Trixie Belden was cool. Speaking of naming hamsters - my cousin hamster named a hamster after me -- It's the only thing I know of that was ever named after me -- and Julie was one mean mean mean hamster. I had forgotten about that until I started thinking about Trixie Belden and Trixie the Hamster.
*I also finally read Girl of the Limberlost which has been on my reading list for years (My GS Camp experience was all in the Limberlost Swamp -- and I've wanted to read the book ever since tthen, but it's hardly a readily avaliable best seller -- so when I came across it at the library, I decided it was time to read it. Nice book. Not incredibly special but a nice old fashioned book.
* The flaah mob was un inspiring last night. Instead off talking to the stranger in the black hat at the bar (like some freaky movie) to get the instructions, I followed someone else after the stranger in the black hat gave them the script (It was cool - - kinda of a covert spy type thing following someone around the mall!) Probably 50 people showed up (with at least half that many reporters and police / security people) I watched. Giggled and went home. Not as cool as I expected it to be.
*This has been the worst summer ever!! If I had to write a WHAT I DID OVER MY SUMMER VACATION essay - it'd go like this . . .
Late May - stressed out over way too much school work.
June - went through a yucky grouchy depressive no self esteem "thing" for several weeks (while working on the preliminaries for my thesis (which, by the way, there is a new Arts Journal blog which promises to practically write the thesis for me!!)) i got promoted at the expense of a friend who got canned (guilt guilt guilt).
July got dedicated to healing / repairing / dealing with a stuipid accident that severed a nerve in my hand. Doctors apointments and surgery and being left handed is NOT the way to spend a month. (not to mention a whole month of not knowing If/How much it can be fixed. It'd be a lot easier to just accecpt it and move on if I knew what I was accepting - ya know??)
August hasn't happened yet, but since I have to start attending teachers meetings on August 11, (and the SMU summer term doesn't end until Aug 16!) (And because this thumb stuff has put me way behind on my internship - my first "Incomplete" is gonna happen in August) I don't hold out much hope for it being amazingly better. (Bah HumBug!)
*I (single handedly!!) wrote the fitst draft of a $100,000 grannt yesterday. (My boss will write the final version using my stuff) That is way cool (what is cooler, the $100,000 part or the part that I literally did it single handed!)
* I don't know why, but the Free Arts internship has not worked out to be everything I thought it would be -- I'm sure part of that is the lost momentum that come with missing stuff because I'm sitting in hospitals or dr.s offices, but I don't know. I just don't enjoy it like I imagined. (I dreamed of making great connections and maybe being offered a job with one of the emerging FA affiliates starting up all over the country, meeting kids, doing stuff -- but that is not going to happen, and . . . I donno - just lost enthusiasm and dampened expectations.
* Growing up wouldn't be the worst thing that could ever happen. (I used to think it was) Sitting, people watching, and thinking has brought me to the conclusion that it'd be ok to Grow Up - as long as I could be an INTERESTING grown up. I have some good examples in my head reagrding interesting grown ups. They need to be explored further.
* I know people mean well, but I'm so tired of people associating my hand injury with music. (The first question My father asked after it happened was "Are you OK?" The second question was "Is it your finger hand or bow hand?" After talking with my advisor about why I was behhind on my internaship, she said "I hope the surgery goes well considering you future musical work." AND a musician classmate of mine asked several times if my surgeon understood the importance of my hand in regards to music. Am I that stereotyped?? I can only imagine what the highly paid performers go through (like when Domingo gets a cold and can't sing - - no one cares about him and how crummy he feels, they only worry about if he'll ever be able to sing again (and if they can get their tickets refunded!) But I'm not any special superstar - - (unless you count my amazing duets with Twinkle Twinkle!!) Like i said, i know people mean well, and they are trying to be empathetic (it WOULD be crummy to loose all function and have to become a conductor) but I wish they'd stop worring about piano and violin and worry about ME!.
* I had a weird dream about Mrs. Poospischile the other night. She hasn't changed a bit!!! There were a lot of her mannerisms that I had forgotten about until my subconcious pulled them out. VERY STRANGE. I'm going to write her a note before school styarts to check in with her.
*Two people DIED yesterday. But for some reason the news media (three different outlets) seem to think it can make the whole thing funny by telling us the rank of Hussein's two sons in the Iraq's Most wanted cards. Granted they were evil awful men who did bad things (personnally, I prefer to met people and decide for myself if they are evil and awful - but sometimes 'ya just gottta trust the government). BUT STILL they were PEOPLE and now they're dead, and laughing about their "Ace Status" on a silly game is tacky and disrespectful, and bad. I don't like it.
* I miss my kids. esp. my first (now Second!!) Graders. Somedays I really want to get out of education, but if that ever happens, I will miss hanging out with the creative brilliant people who are my students. (I can't even survive 3 months without them!) I also miss CUIFS party potatoes (yummy!) It's been 5 years since I've had them (and I'm drooling!!!) I thinking of asking the gal in charge of the reunion to beg CUIFS to feed us party potatoes at our banquet in October.
*My LH is tired, gotta stop. More later (lots more, my mind is filled with this stuff!)
*I found my old Trixie Belden books in the basement. I loved Trixie and her gang. Trixie was so cool (even if everyone thought she was stupid because she didn't make the great grades that everoner else did in school and her family didn't have much money -- Yeah I really idenified with Trixie!! I convinced my sister to name her hamster Trixie because I thought Trixie Belden was cool. Speaking of naming hamsters - my cousin hamster named a hamster after me -- It's the only thing I know of that was ever named after me -- and Julie was one mean mean mean hamster. I had forgotten about that until I started thinking about Trixie Belden and Trixie the Hamster.
*I also finally read Girl of the Limberlost which has been on my reading list for years (My GS Camp experience was all in the Limberlost Swamp -- and I've wanted to read the book ever since tthen, but it's hardly a readily avaliable best seller -- so when I came across it at the library, I decided it was time to read it. Nice book. Not incredibly special but a nice old fashioned book.
* The flaah mob was un inspiring last night. Instead off talking to the stranger in the black hat at the bar (like some freaky movie) to get the instructions, I followed someone else after the stranger in the black hat gave them the script (It was cool - - kinda of a covert spy type thing following someone around the mall!) Probably 50 people showed up (with at least half that many reporters and police / security people) I watched. Giggled and went home. Not as cool as I expected it to be.
*This has been the worst summer ever!! If I had to write a WHAT I DID OVER MY SUMMER VACATION essay - it'd go like this . . .
Late May - stressed out over way too much school work.
June - went through a yucky grouchy depressive no self esteem "thing" for several weeks (while working on the preliminaries for my thesis (which, by the way, there is a new Arts Journal blog which promises to practically write the thesis for me!!)) i got promoted at the expense of a friend who got canned (guilt guilt guilt).
July got dedicated to healing / repairing / dealing with a stuipid accident that severed a nerve in my hand. Doctors apointments and surgery and being left handed is NOT the way to spend a month. (not to mention a whole month of not knowing If/How much it can be fixed. It'd be a lot easier to just accecpt it and move on if I knew what I was accepting - ya know??)
August hasn't happened yet, but since I have to start attending teachers meetings on August 11, (and the SMU summer term doesn't end until Aug 16!) (And because this thumb stuff has put me way behind on my internship - my first "Incomplete" is gonna happen in August) I don't hold out much hope for it being amazingly better. (Bah HumBug!)
*I (single handedly!!) wrote the fitst draft of a $100,000 grannt yesterday. (My boss will write the final version using my stuff) That is way cool (what is cooler, the $100,000 part or the part that I literally did it single handed!)
* I don't know why, but the Free Arts internship has not worked out to be everything I thought it would be -- I'm sure part of that is the lost momentum that come with missing stuff because I'm sitting in hospitals or dr.s offices, but I don't know. I just don't enjoy it like I imagined. (I dreamed of making great connections and maybe being offered a job with one of the emerging FA affiliates starting up all over the country, meeting kids, doing stuff -- but that is not going to happen, and . . . I donno - just lost enthusiasm and dampened expectations.
* Growing up wouldn't be the worst thing that could ever happen. (I used to think it was) Sitting, people watching, and thinking has brought me to the conclusion that it'd be ok to Grow Up - as long as I could be an INTERESTING grown up. I have some good examples in my head reagrding interesting grown ups. They need to be explored further.
* I know people mean well, but I'm so tired of people associating my hand injury with music. (The first question My father asked after it happened was "Are you OK?" The second question was "Is it your finger hand or bow hand?" After talking with my advisor about why I was behhind on my internaship, she said "I hope the surgery goes well considering you future musical work." AND a musician classmate of mine asked several times if my surgeon understood the importance of my hand in regards to music. Am I that stereotyped?? I can only imagine what the highly paid performers go through (like when Domingo gets a cold and can't sing - - no one cares about him and how crummy he feels, they only worry about if he'll ever be able to sing again (and if they can get their tickets refunded!) But I'm not any special superstar - - (unless you count my amazing duets with Twinkle Twinkle!!) Like i said, i know people mean well, and they are trying to be empathetic (it WOULD be crummy to loose all function and have to become a conductor) but I wish they'd stop worring about piano and violin and worry about ME!.
* I had a weird dream about Mrs. Poospischile the other night. She hasn't changed a bit!!! There were a lot of her mannerisms that I had forgotten about until my subconcious pulled them out. VERY STRANGE. I'm going to write her a note before school styarts to check in with her.
*Two people DIED yesterday. But for some reason the news media (three different outlets) seem to think it can make the whole thing funny by telling us the rank of Hussein's two sons in the Iraq's Most wanted cards. Granted they were evil awful men who did bad things (personnally, I prefer to met people and decide for myself if they are evil and awful - but sometimes 'ya just gottta trust the government). BUT STILL they were PEOPLE and now they're dead, and laughing about their "Ace Status" on a silly game is tacky and disrespectful, and bad. I don't like it.
* I miss my kids. esp. my first (now Second!!) Graders. Somedays I really want to get out of education, but if that ever happens, I will miss hanging out with the creative brilliant people who are my students. (I can't even survive 3 months without them!) I also miss CUIFS party potatoes (yummy!) It's been 5 years since I've had them (and I'm drooling!!!) I thinking of asking the gal in charge of the reunion to beg CUIFS to feed us party potatoes at our banquet in October.
*My LH is tired, gotta stop. More later (lots more, my mind is filled with this stuff!)