Saturday, November 30, 2002

I'm in a very introspective mood today. Jon and I stayed up late last night talking about deep stuff (it was good - very good!) Jon has had a lot of the same thoughts that I've had - - and when we disagree he can make intellegent arguments for his point of view). I know there are other people out there (MLE, and some internet folks) who feel the same way as me about "stuff." And I've read passionate intellengent oppions that are the opposite of mine, but it was so nice to have real person in the room to talk to.

So this afternoon, I looked up some stuff that Jon told me about, and then worked on my Fin. Man paper for a bit. (I need to decide which of two organizations is in a better financial position and then find 4-6 points to support my opinion. Right now I have two arguments suggesting Organization A is better and two arguments suggesting Organization B is better (I also have a really really really weak third point which could support either position). But I ran out of ideas so I started day dreaming and thinking about my future internships.

I'll have to do another tiny internship this summer in something outside my comfort zone, and next summer a bigger residency. I would really really like to work with Free Arts Minnesota - - they are a small start up organization with a neat-o mission and I'd love to be a part of their organization. I think I want to do more than just a tiny internship with them, and more than something where I'm stretching myself - They have such a small staff (2 people) and so much to do, I'm thinking it has residency potential. My advisor suggested doing my Residency at MacPhail - - but I donno- -- I want to do OUTREACH AND EDUCATION. Not as a component of marketing or under the guise of building future audiences ("if we get school kids to come to our concert, they'll get excited and tell their parents to come see the show, and if their parents are going to concerts, the kids will get hooked and in 20 years we'll still have an audience for our music!"). I'm thinking I want to work from more of a Service Orientation and promote Learning, (like Young Audiences) and Healing, (like Free Arts MN) and General Life "Stuff" (like Compass).

I don't want to do "snob appeal" (I love to do "snob" things like go to the symphony and stuff, but I don't want my career in Arts Admin. to be the promotion of snobbery. I'm all about Process over Product (that goes back to the Mission Statement Elizabeth had me write in Sept.). The SPCO, the MN Orch, and the Opera are more about PRODUCT than they are about process (There's nothing wrong with that - - if you're recording CD's and want to sell them as the work of a "World Class Stuff" you gotta respect the Product!)

So, the whole reason I started even thinking about the whole internships thing is because Natulius sent me the info packet that was promised about a month ago. Now, I was initially very excited about this opportunity. It's a PAID gig (and it pays well!!) It eventually leads to a full time Arts Admin Job. But I'm not so excited anymore. First of all, I already have an internship lined up with Young Audiences for next semester, and I'm really excited about that. Second there is a lot about this that doesn't "feel" right. The guy gives me the creeps - I can't explain it, but he does (the fact that the "office" is also his home doesn't alleviate any creepy feelings either). The fact that it took him a month to mail out information (and then brushes it off by saying "it just proves how badly I need an assistant!"). The ego. The weird-ness. I can't explain it, it just feels wrong (or at least "not right")

So, on Monday I have to call and tell him that I am not interested in the job (at least not starting in Jan. because I'll be busy with my UNPAID internship with Y.A.) Elizabeth thought it might be a good summer internship for me and suggested keeping the option open (it'd be very nice to have a paycheck this summer!) But I'm wondering if I should just say "no" altogether and burn that bridge. I donno. In the back of my mind, I'm thinking about working with Shakespear in the Park this summer. (They are into getting their art to "the people," which fits with my ideals. And as a theater company it's outside my comfort zone, so it meets that requirement - - - AND they are active in the summer (as opposed to the Orchestra or a School where there's little action in June and July)

It all makes sense in my head, now I just have to find a way to have it make sense on paper. Speaking of paper - I need to find some more arguements for mine - Enough Introspection, time to work!!!!