BLACK NOVEMBER

When I was a young turkey,
new to the coop,
My big brother Mike
took me out on the stoop,

Then he sat me down,
and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something
that I had to know;

His look and his tone
I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors
of..... Black November;

"Come about August,
now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals
instead of just three,

"And soon you'll be thick,
where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing
under your chin;

"And then one morning,
when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife,
and hack off your head;
"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers
so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides
and leave ya lyin' in the sink;

"And then comes the worst part"
he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks
and pack your rear with stuffing".

Well, the rest of his words
were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop
like a winged piece of meat,

And decided on the spot
that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low
and remain overlooked ;

I began a new diet
of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads,
juice and diet cola;

And as they ate pastries,
chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room
doing Jane Fonda tapes;

I maintained my weight
of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice
when the bigger birds laughed;

But 'twas I who was laughing,
under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed,
ever closer to death;

And sure enough
when Black Thursday rolled around,
I was the last turkey
left in the entire compound;

So now I'm a pet
in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry,
so I eat and I nap;

She held me today,
while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said:
"Christmas is coming..."

from Here